Little By Little
by MelonLord1218
Summary: Karen Page has murdered Wesley. She seeks friendship and forgiveness from Matt and Foggy. When an unseen force comes to take away her new happiness, she doesn't know where that leaves her and her friends.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Daredevil. The way I write the story is my own style. Enjoy!

I remember the feeling of love. But I never want to express that again to anyone...

Hi, I'm Karen... Karen Page. I write for the _Bulletin_. I love my job. I love investigating and being spontaneous while interviewing.

My job however, ruined one good thing in my life. My relationship with... Matt. Well maybe it wasn't my job that ruined us, maybe it was his.

When I discovered Matt was Daredevil, I felt unsafe. I look at him differently. And if I'm being honest with myself, I keep myself distant from him. Before, when he was just simple lawyer loving Matt our lives were perfect. We could hang out and laugh. Now I'm something or someone rather that can get him into trouble. My life is a flight risk because of who and what he is. And that really sucks for me... because I know deep down I still... love...him.

He never knew my true feelings and I wanted to tell him. But then the whole Daredevil thing happened. And well my feelings just don't matter anymore. So like I said I remember love but I don't want to experience it ever again. I hate seeing the man I love- go fighting into the night. I hate seeing him bloody and bruised. I want to be proud of him for this second life he lives- but I'm scared for him. And I know I am nothing but a threat to him.

Me and Foggy, are both threats. Any enemy of Daredevil could take us and torture us to use as leverage to get to Matt. I am not going to be leverage. And so I have to break my own heart, break my own friendship, and stay away from that crazy Matt Murdock.

It's been six months since I have spoken or seen him. I read stories of him in the _Bulletin_. I am jealous of the other reporters who get to get close to Matt. But I know in my heart and in the back of my head it's for the best.

And if Matt knew I murdered Mr. Wesley. Well wouldn't he look at me differently. I know it was self defense- my life or his. But Matt's catholic and he would never kill a soul. He would pray for souls, but never would he take one.

He doesn't know what it's like to kill. To see the life leaving someone's eyes. To see their eternal light fade and disappear into the night. I pray he never experiences this. And even though he chooses to fight, he is still a saint for not murdering.

I see Wesley in my nightmares, every night before I try to go to sleep. I hear the seven shots of my gun firing into his cold lifeless body. And I hear my heart stop as I look over the corpse of the man who took everything from me. And I hate him, in my sleep and I hate him in my memories. He has made me bitter and because of him, I can't be with Matt, and because of murder I can't be with Matt, and because of me... I can't be with...

Tears run down my face as they always do. I try to drown out Matt's memories and it's impossible. It's been half a year and I still love that man... He will never know...

I head to my apartment fridge and poor a glass of wine. Wine washes away all my memories. I hate being drunk but I hate thinking more.

"Hello, Karen!" A voice from across my apartment calls to me. I look at the clock and it's 2am on a Friday night.

I walk toward the voice. "Foggy is that you?"

The voice knocks at the door. "Karen open up, we need to talk."

I slowly open the apartment door. I don't want to be too inviting of strangers at this hour.

I open the door... fuck it's Matt.

"Hello... Matt." I feel shy. Like some timid deer in the headlights of a truck. I try to calm my heart down, but all I can hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears. And if I can hear it, I know Matt's senses are tuned into my bodily radio signals.

Shit he's not supposed to be here. We aren't friends anymore- we are done! DONE!

"Karen, can I have a beer?" He smirks. When he smirks, I see those familiar dimples that make me blush.

"Sure, let me grab you one. I know you didn't come all the way here to talk about beer, Matt." I said hurriedly.

"You're right. I wanted to let you know that Fisk is out of prison."

"I know, I work for the _Bulletin_ remember?" I can feel my eyes rolling in the back of my head.

"Matt you shouldn't be here. I can't be apart of that life anymore. I just can't..."

"You can't be apart of that life... by that life you mean my life don't you?"

I wish I could tell him the truth about Wesley. The truth about how much I still want to be by his side, but I would only hurt him and him me.

"Yes," I say.

"Karen, I can tell your lying. You heart is fluttering way to much. So what's this really about?" Matt asks raising an eyebrow.

"Just because you can use your super senses on me, does not make you entitled to a truth you can't handle Matthew!" I yell.

"What truth is that Karen, I want to know!" He begs.

"You want the truth Matt Murdock? Well here it is... I can't be around you or Foggy anymore. Even though I miss you all daily, and I'm depressed as hell without you. I am a threat to you both.. and if you knew why you would hate me more than you do now..."

By now I am sure Matt can sense my fatigue, my anger and my pain. He knows I want to cry. He always knows there's no hiding from Matt's super powers. There's only total nakedness of emotion.

"I could never hate you Karen. I am hurt that you left without saying good bye. Why did you just leave like that?" I saw the sadness in his face. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I left because of an evil I have done... and that evil is mine to live with not yours. That evil I shall take to my grave. If you knew you would despise me. And look at me like I am a monster and perhaps I am..." I few tears break through my eyes and I cover my mouth with my hand. All desire to hide returns. There is no hiding from the hearer of heart beats.

I will never be able to hide from Matt, and perhaps I don't want to.

"What have you done, Karen?" My heart pounds louder than ever. My blood screams and my head spins.

"I have... I have...Do you remember Fisk's right hand man?"

"Yes what about him?"

"Awhile back he took me hostage. And he was going to kill me. So before he could kill me... I was forced into killing him. My life or his... and I chose to live. But now I am haunted by his face. I see him every night in my dreams, and I hate myself. I shot him seven times, I needed to make sure he was dead. I needed him dead so he could never kidnap me again... Matt take the beer with you, I think you should leave..."

I couldn't look at Matt. The look of shame on my face became the elephant in the room. Matt said nothing. I knew I had become a fallen angel to him that night.

Finally Matt broke the silence with, "It's not your fault Karen..." my body froze, I didn't expect a response like this from Matt.

I had no more strength to fight back. No more energy to pretend anymore. I quickly forgot who I was with and jumped into his arms for an embrace. I held him and balled my eyes out. Matt said the words I needed to hear. I needed to be welcomed back by him and Foggy. I need them in my life. I was a fool for not telling Matt. I quickly saw the selfishness of my ways.

"Thank you Matt. For not hating me for this."

"Is this why you ran away? Because you killed in self defense?" He asked.

"Yes and because I didn't want... I didn't want to give Fisk a reason to hurt you or Foggy. And don't go all Daredevil on me, you can't handle Fisk alone. Fisk will want to have me killed for this, and that's why I ran from you. I can't have Fisk destroying the only people who make me happy."

"I'm sorry you have been holding this in for so long. I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you Karen."

"Don't go blaming yourself. I saved myself this time. And you won't always be there Matt."

I look down and he is still holding me... me the idiot who ran away from him. I don't even try to break our embrace. I never want it to end, and I know my heart is beating faster and faster. I hope he hears it this time, I want him to know I ...love...

He breaks our hug. "Can I finish my beer now?" He smiles.

"Yes go ahead Matt." I say relieved to have my best friend beside me again. "Oh and Matt since it's late feel free to crash on my couch if you would like," I offer hoping he would linger. "I could make us pancakes in the morning and we could invite Foggy over."

He doesn't reply right away, but smiles that side smile of his. The one where his dimples flare and my heart drops. "That would be nice Karen. Good night."

"Good night Matt." I say as I head upstairs to my bedroom. My life got safer today because Murdock is back in my world. What used to feel unsafe, now feels safe again. Maybe little by little we can somehow be friends again.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

I woke up and made Matt's pancakes. I got the batter together and began stirring it. Then I went to call Foggy.

"Hi, umm Foggy it's Karen.. Matt's over here-long story. Want to come over and have pancakes? I'm making chocolate and banana ones."

"Wait Matt's there? Sure... umm I can come on over that's fine." He said confused.

"Wait are you two dating now or something?" Foggy jests.

"No, we're not Foggy. Please don't joke about that. You know how I feel about Matt..." I say whispering on the phone. I hope and pray, Matt didn't hear this phone conversation. But knowing my dumb luck he does... My face turns red at the thought.

"Good Morning, Ms. Page," Matt says as he comes out of the shower. I look at him and see his scars, his bruises, and his strength. I suddenly see the importance of the work he does at night. I see the toll it takes on him. I see his fatigue.. I see him... as if for the first time. What's wrong with me?

I find myself becoming weak at the knees. Damn I know it's obvious...

"Are you okay Karen?" Asks the hearer of heart beats.

"No, I'm not. Can you finish making the pancakes? I'm not feeling well."

I say. Knowing it's a half truth but truthful enough not to cause alarm.

I feel flushed again. Knowing that he is the reason I feel faint, unable to do anything. I hate being so consumed with these feelings. And not being able to truly share them, is torture.

Then I hear a knock at the door. It's Foggy, he walks in as if everything is normal. As if I never walked out on him and Matt. I really don't deserve these amazing men in my life. Especially after killing Wesley.

"Karen, how are you? How have you been? Why were you in our lives and then not? Sorry that was way too many questions at once.. hold that thought. Let's enjoy pancakes!"

We sit down at my table and dig in. "Coffee? Tea?" I ask them both. Matt reaches for my hand. "Karen, you don't have to wait on us."

"You're my guests. So yes I do." I reassure him. Our hands are still together for a moment, and then he lets go. I was alive for a single moment.

I leave the room to make coffee. "Be right back." I tell them.

—

Matt's POV

"Matt, what's her deal?" Foggy asks me.

"Well Foggy... I came to visit her last night and I told her Fisk got out. And then she confessed to me that she killed James Wesley in self defense. She shot him seven times, Fog. She went through hell because of me. Because we all know who I am.."

"She went through all of that... without telling us. Jesus.. Matt!" Foggy said shocked.

"She seems distant still. Like she's hiding something from me. Her heart beat is all over the place." I tell Foggy.

"Dude, isn't it obvious she... you know finds you interesting."

"Me. No that's not possible." I say confused.

"Read my heart beat bro. You would know if I was lying to you about this."

I listen to his heart beat and know he is telling me the truth. She still likes me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Surprised more than anything.

"Are you going to do anything about it?" Foggy asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Are you going to try to get with the Page?" Foggy asks calling her some nickname the way he does.

"I can't Foggy. You know what that would mean. Her life would be endanger, I can't ask her to do that for me."

"Matt, a beautiful woman is attracted to you and you're not going to do anything about it. That's stupid... insanely stupid." Says Foggy almost mocking me.

"Shut up Foggy. Karen's coming back in here soon."

"Well before she gets back in here, try to cut her off guard and read her body language or whatever voodoo your senses do," states Foggy.

"I can try," I said not sure how to even begin.

I head to the kitchen and find Karen, crying again. She has been crying a lot since I got here.

"Karen, what's wrong?" I ask.

"It's umm... this... email I just got."

She holds up her phone to my face and shows me. "Karen, can you read to me, I can't see remember?"

"Oh right."

 _Dear Ms. Page,_

 _The Board of Trustees has voted and decided to promote you to Senior Editor for the Bulletin. You with therefore, begin this position after your two weeks paid vacation. Happy Birthday._

 _Director of the Bulletin,_

 _Michael C. Wesley_

"Oh my God...Karen. Is he related to James Wesley?"

"I don't know Matt. I don't..." she cries again. And I see the fear.

"Fisk knows and he's going to kill me. He's like big brother he sees, hears and knows it all before I even do. And that's why I kept my distance from you and Foggy. I can't do this anymore Matt. I just can't. I'm scared for you, for Foggy, for me, for you..."

"You mentioned me twice just now, Karen.."

—

Karen's POV

"I did?" I say feeling like an idiot.

"You did. Why do you care what happens to me anyways?" He asks. I know he knows, or suspects. I just can't bring myself to tell him yet.

There's that heart beat of mine again. Reminding me that Matt can see it with his senses.

I put my hair behind my ear. It's what I do when I'm feeling scared or flirty. I am a bit of both right now.

He puts his hand on my cheek. And rubs it with his thumb. I look at his face and see what I want to. The man I want to be with most in this world, but I know deep down this will only be the end of it all.

"Karen, can I kiss you now?" He asks me. As much as I want to say yes...

"No, not today Matt." I reply.

"Are you sure?" Matt asks. Now I know he's testing me and my heart beat.

"Positive..." I say trying to lie. Knowing in my gut that he will know I'm lying.

Without replying he kisses me on the lips, and I kiss him back. He smiles that half dimpled smile of his. And I let out a giggle like a giddy middle school girl. I feel embarrassed and relieved that the tension has died between us.

"Coffee?" I ask trying to change the subject.

"Sure, sounds great," smiles Matt as he heads back to the table to be with Foggy.

I'm still troubled though by that letter, and the last name of Wesley being attached to the bottom. Someone is on to me. And even though Matt may have kissed me, I can't enter into a relationship with anyone right now, knowing their life could be taken away from me.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Matt's POV

"Well Matt, did you and..." Foggy trails off as I interrupt.

"Yes, well... we kissed but not a big deal Foggy." I say to him.

"Nice one Murdock. And are you going to date now?"

"Foggy its a kiss not a commitment." I say annoyed that he wants me to date right now when there's work to be done.

"Matt, you really need a woman to calm you the fuck down" retorts Foggy.

"You know I don't have time for love Foggy. This city needs me. There's too much crime and Fisk is out again...Did I mention Fisk is OUT again?"

Foggy is speechless at this. "The system will work Matt. If we can put Fisk behind bars once, we can do it again."

"No Fog, we can't. Fisk owns the system ...he is the system. And this time I'm going to take him down myself," I say eager to begin.

"You can't be serious?" Karen says. "You're too Catholic to murder anyone Matt." I can hear her breathe and sense her blood boiling. I know she is angry with me. But what choice do I have at this point?

"Matt, take your coffee and get out." She says opening the door.

"Karen, don't be like that..."

"No, Matt you don't be like that. I am tired of you being Daredevil. It scares me. I am... I want to be proud of you. But supporting Daredevil means that I can NEVER be happy..." She trails off looking down. I sense her head turning down to the floor in despair.

"It's not about being happy, Karen..." I explain.

"Then what's this about, You beating people up for fun? Look, I get that you save people and I love how brave you are...I love that you saved my life. But I can't be kidnapped again, Matt. Look what I did to Wesley. I killed him... because you're Daredevil..."

"So this is my fault?" I ask.

"No, it's Fisk's... I'm scared for you. God Matt, why can't we ever just catch a break? I'm tired of chasing after the idea of you. I'm done... Fucking... Done... And why the hell did you kiss me today? To say goodbye? To fuck with me? To amuse yourself? To scratch something off your list? Well whatever your vendetta, your agenda, take it and get out Matt." I hear her heart pound and then drop. The tears she is fighting back. I can feel her body shaking slightly from her speech.

"Karen, I'm sorry. But we can't be together right now..." I say knowing how this will hurt her somehow.

"No, Matt we can't be together EVER. Now just leave. GO AWAY... LEAVE." She says throwing the coffee mug by my head. I head out the door knowing this was useless to dream, and useless to come over. Sorry Karen Page, I will never bother you ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Karen POV

I slam the door as hard as I could on Matt's face. I start balling my eyes out. Suddenly a pair of arms hugs me, and then I remember Foggy. He was here this whole time and he got to hear that entire conversation.

"Oh Foggy... I ummm...I am... so sorry you... had... to see that..." I wail while trying to form sentences. I see the broken mug on the floor; and cry. It was the mug Matt bought me for my birthday last year. It's a reminder of the shattered friendship we have.

In embarrassment, I grab the broom and begin sweeping my memories off the floor. The memories that mug possessed for me are now shattered literally, I shake as I try to sweep.

"Here I'll take care of it. I hate it when I drop things and they break," added Foggy. He was always so kind to me.

"I threw it at Matt's head. I just threw a mug at a blind guy."

"He's not blind... well he is but he can you know sense the mug's presence. It's not a big deal. He was being a jerk anyways, and I'm sorry about the kiss... I told him to make a move on you Karen. And clearly you weren't ready for that, so my bad. I just want my two friends to just get together and be happy already."

"You did what? Oh God Foggy... why? I mean I enjoyed it. But... we can never and will never happen."

"Look Karen, I know you have feelings for Matt."

"Can we pretend we aren't in middle school. You can say it Fog, I love Matt and I screwed up... and we aren't happening. We will never be a thing."

I look at Foggy and all I see is a smirk on that lawyer face of his. "Okay Nelson, what you are smiling about?"

"You finally admitted you love Matt. I mean I always knew, sort of. But it's nice to hear you say it."

I thought for a moment. And I think Foggy is the first person, I have ever admitted that to.

"You need to tell Matt."

"No I don't. It doesn't matter.. I don't matter Foggy..." I say choking up. God all I do is cry over this day and night. I'm tired of being a wreck and for what? The beautiful blind disaster.

"You do matter Karen. And maybe you don't see that now. But we, your friends, missed you and forgive you for being distant."

"Thanks Foggy." I am not sure what expression is on my face, happiness or confusion perhaps. But Foggy knows and hugs me anyways like he always does. He knows the truth and that's okay... at least one of them does.

I know deep down I will regret throwing that mug at Matt. I will regret kicking him out of my life a second time. I hate myself for it already. But he has bigger things to worry about than me, stupid little Karen Page with her stupid insignificant problems. I know I "matter" to Foggy and maybe even to Matt. But after I killed Wesley, I hardly mattered to myself. At some point I will need to find self acceptance again, but that is unlikely to happen anytime soon.

"Well, Karen thanks for breakfast. I need to go grocery shopping. You're welcome to come if you'd like. And I can clean up this mess," he says gesturing toward the dishes.

"No that's fine don't worry about it Fog." I pick up the dishes and bring them into the kitchen. I look at my fridge and see the space of emptiness where Matt had kissed me just an hour or so again. How I wanted to go back in time and relive that brief moment. All I see is the vast emptiness and it makes me sick. I needed to get out of my apartment fast.

"Foggy, I would love to go grocery shopping. Let me grab my coat."

On the way to the store I tell Foggy everything. I tell him about the email and how Matt came over at 2am. I tell him about Wesley's murder and Fisk being out. I tell him my life story...

"Karen, listen you are safe right now. You are out with a friend and a grocery chart. Seriously, what could happen?"

But before Foggy can ask anymore questions or say anything else, a man, I have never seen before points a gun into my back. I really should be used to this by now and knowing my luck these assholes work for Fisk. I wish I was scared, but I am numb.

"Karen Page, come quietly and we will spare your friend here." The mysterious man whispers.

I do as he says. I don't try to fight, I don't try to scream. I don't run.

"Karen, don't" says Foggy. Attempting to be brave, to stop me. We both know he isn't Matt when it comes to confrontation or fighting.

"Foggy, I'll be okay. Just go..." I say pushing Foggy away. He knows and I know there's no way out of this alive, except cooperation. The mystery man takes me to a large limo, and drives off. While in the car, a large bag is placed over my head and I am left alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

Karen's POV

I sit there in the dark of the car with the bag over my head. My hands sweaty from duct tape. I hear a voice whispering above my head. I close my eyes and rest while I can. I know I should be terrified, but I have been here before and I know Matt won't rescue me. I rescued myself last time, for I killed James Wesley.

The bag comes off my head and the duct tape is cut free. I am offered a glass of water from people I don't know. I take it and drink it.

"I am sorry for all of this Ms. Page," the mystery man begins. He leads me out of the limo and we walk into a large glass elevator.

"Who the hell are you? Where am I?"

I demand.

"Ah, how rude of me. I am Michael Wesley, the new Director of the _Bulletin_. And I wanted to ask if you would consider my offer? You see, we need you to take this promotion Ms. Page. King Pin, you see he demands it..." He pauses and takes me into a large office.

"Wait a minute. You're Michael Wesley? And who is King Pin? And why do I need a promotion? I like my job thanks," I say trying to be cunning.

"Well you see, my brother James Wesley, mysteriously got shot seven times in the chest. And King Pin... well he needed tending to and so hired me as a replacement. I am not my brother, but close enough to please Mr. Fisk. You see Ms. Page, King Pin and Fisk are one in the same. And as a supporter for the _Bulletin_ and freedom of press, King Pin would love for you to accept this job offer and be his voice in the _Bulletin_. I guess, he wants you to be his spokesperson..."

"Why me? And what's the catch?" I say. The promotion although tempting, would come with strings attached and I hate Fisk. But accepting it might be my only way out of this hell. I am not a fighter, I am a survivor.

"Who killed your brother?" I ask, hoping they don't know it was me.

"That's not for you to know Ms. Page. But I can assure you, my brother's murderer will be dealt with in time. Dealt with in the most painful of fashions, I'd imagine." I see how he looks and me as though he knows already.

"What is for me to know then, Michael?" I ask.

"Well well... let's not be hasty. And let's get down to business. I need you to sign these papers, it's the job application for the promotion I emailed you about. Will you sign it or won't you? I am not a patient man," he glares.

"I'm not interested," I say, and I know this answer will get me killed. But I just can't go against Matt and work for Fisk. On the other hand, maybe I should, so I can survive and be yet another puppet in the Wilson Fisk industry.

"That's not an answer, I am willing to accept. King Pin always gets his way Ms. Page. And I have ways of getting you to change your mind. You see my body guard over there," says Michael pointing to a man holding a sniper rifle. "He does whatever I tell him. If I tell him to shoot a deer in the forest he does it, and if I tell him to murder Matthew Murdock he does it..."

"Matthew... who?" I suggest as I sigh in fear.

"Oh I think we both know who, Matt is. Your little boyfriend went and paid you a visit last night didn't he? And he's blind, that's even more pathetic. Carter, why don't you show Ms. Page how your rifle works exactly. It might encourage her to change her mind?"

Carter, the body guard, then loads his weapon and prepares to shoot at helpless citizens below the skyscraper office in which we reside. My body shakes and I can't form words. Murder without a cause just made my blood boil.

"You think you scare me, Mr. Wesley. You kill others for sport and for no reason at all. At least I had a reason to kill," I retort, not caring if he knows who actually killed his brother.

"You, a killer? I can hardly even believe that to be true." Says Michael testing me and yet curious at the same time.

"Well, let's just say I did it quickly. There was no pain, just lots of loud gun shots. Let's see if I can remember how many there were," I hold out my fingers and begin counting. "Oh that's right seven. And how many times, did you say your brother get shot in the chest again Mr. Wesley? Oh that's right, seven times. Must be a small world. And in case you or your precious, King Pin were wondering, he died quickly... painlessly," I say smiling with a cold hearted resting bitch face on.

"Oh you murderous, bitch. King Pin was right about you..." Just as Michael was about to attack me, I say, "I'll do it, I'll accept the promotion. I could use a resume booster." My acceptance throws him off guard. I take the pen and sign my name. I may have just saved my own life for now.


End file.
